Surviving Teenagers!

I thought I would share my top 10 tips for surviving and enjoying holidays with teenagers over the next 5 weeks.

As I sit with my hot water bottle in May I dream of hot summer holidays. As a working mum with teenage daughters relaxing, enjoyable family holidays are essential for me and my husband! I don’t want a miserable or stressful family holiday so I take a proactive approach to managing our holidays to make sure that we all have a great break.

Tip 1

Remember that your teenager also needs a holiday – try to think about your plans from their point of view. If they hate walking, a walking holiday in France probably wouldn’t result in a harmonious family holiday!

I am currently living through GCSEs and A-levels, roll on July! It is ridiculous the amount of pressure our teenagers are under to deliver good results and each subject teacher has a unique ability to pressurise them. Therefore, by the time they get to the end they are desperate for a relaxing holiday.

Yes, I need my holidays but I know my girls need a relaxing break to recuperate ready for the next onslaught.

Tip 2
Have a positive attitude to going on holiday with your teenager, tell them how much you are looking forward to spending time with them even if this gets negative comments and strange looks!

Your attitude to going on holiday will set the tone for the holiday so try to be positive and don’t expect a challenging time with them.

I will talk about ground rules and boundaries next time.

Click on this link to watch the most amazing video about a man with no arms and legs and it puts life in perspective:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GSayMXTaQY8&feature=youtube_gdata_player

It is tough being a teenager, there is constant pressure from all angles and no letup.

There is pressure from school, friends, their peers, the media, social networking, drugs, alcohol, sex, jobs and what will they do in the future?

They worry about their image, what they wear, can they fit in, will people like them, will they get a boyfriend/girlfriend, worry about their spots, are they pretty/fit, too fat/too thin and so it goes on.

And then there are “the parents” and our expectations can add to that pressure.

No wonder so many teenagers don’t feel they are worth anything, worry about whether or not they will ever get through it and feel like giving up.

Using the inspirational example of Nick in this You Tube clip, we need to encourage our teenagers to be grateful for who they are and what they have and not wish for what they haven’t.

As parents, we need to support and encourage them to believe in themselves – our teenagers need reassurance and positive encouragement because they constantly question themselves and who they are.

Often, when my teenagers are at their most grumpy and stroppy, they are often feeling down, inadequate and insecure so, with some difficulty, I have learnt to keep my mouth shut – there is no point destroying their confidence further by having a go at them. I am not encouraging you to ignore unacceptable behaviour, however, it is about timing and picking the right time to talk to them about their behaviour.

This lunchtime I asked my children, “How would you parent differently from me?” “How would you want to be remembered by your children?”

The standard answer, as expected, was more fun and less strict. I then asked what that would mean in practice and Indy’s response was:

“I wouldn’t be so obsessed about coats…” now I didn’t anticipate that. When Indy was younger, illness was usually triggered by her being chilled as a result of wearing insufficient clothing, hence my obsession of reminding her “Don’t forget to wear your coat…”

One of life’s mysteries is why, as soon as children go to secondary school, they become allergic to coats or anything which might possibly keep them warm and dry?

You just cannot predict teenagers’ attitudes or reactions. Imagine if I told her she had to go to school on a freezing cold day in only trousers and a polo shirt, you can imagine the response. Sometimes you just can’t win.

We will be exploring this further on the Surviving Teenagers Programme in February, I am delighted that this Programme is now fully subscribed and I am looking forward to the first session.

Although the first session was going to be FREE, I was going to charge of £40pp for the 5 week programme. Somerset Skills & Learning have agreed to fund this course so now ALL places are FREE for ALL sessions! Places are limited so please contact Ruth James, survivingteenagers@gmail.com to book your place.

As parents we spend years of our lives ferrying children from A to B, making sure they have the opportunities to develop a whole range of skills from football to ballet, from French to rock climbing. All this takes time, effort & cash.

We happily invest our time in our children’s activities in the hope it will help them develop new skills and fulfil their potential. However, as parents, our parenting skills probably have the greatest impact on our children, so how much time and money do we spend on developing these skills?

Over the years I have attended parenting sessions, read books and spent time thinking about how I parent my children. I have always worked full-time so several years ago decided to focus on making my family life as straightforward as possible, hence the need to focus on improving my parenting skills.

Parenting is hard work, however with time to reflect, new tools & techniques it doesn’t need to be quite as difficult as some parents make it.

This is the focus for the Surviving Teenagers Programme – it is about learning new ways of solving problems and dealing with the usual teenage challenges. I’m excited about the Programme, it will be fun and relaxing and a great opportunity to network with other parents going through similar challenges!